Connections

Today we tried to connect LuLu's (Ty's Chinese name) past to Ty's future. We had asked to be able to visit Ty's school. We were hoping to see something of what his everyday life was like. But what we got - was so much better.

On the day we met Ty - he told us a lot about John - his laoshi (teacher). He had pictures of John and his family. He pantomimed to us that John played a mean guitar! And John sang songs! So- we asked our guide if it would be possible to visit John before we left - knowing how special he was to Ty.

Yesterday, Michael told us that we would meet him in the lobby at 9:00 this morning and we would visit John. Well, please be assured - we were NOT going to be late! Ty made sure that we set all of the alarms in the room and Tony placed a wake-up call...to reassure him. These alarms were all set for 7:00. At 6:00, Ty was up and was almost ready to go before his feet hit the floor. We slowed him down - but he checked my watch every 10 minutes. (The watch is now on Ty's arm) He slurped up breakfast from the buffet (the baked pumpkin was divine!) and we met our guide PROMPTLY at 9:00.

Michael was with the director of the Guiyang Foster care program. This program is called 'All for the Children.' And we were riding in their van! Ty had ridden in this van many times and new it well. We crept through traffic - and Tony was able to recall life growing up in New York! We saw the store fronts (and they are literally just fronts - not very deep at all.) We saw the tire man, the mirror man, the bucket man, etc. Nothing is wasted here - people were working on re-using things everywhere we turned.
We arrived at a building and we walked up 3 flights of stairs and emerged into a courtyard that I recognized. It was the courtyard in the photos we got of Ty in March. Several people with disabled children were gathering outside the building and all of a sudden we were all ushered in and Ty showed us where to take off our shoes and put on sandals. We went into the room and it was a flurry of activity that he fell right into. We met John, his wife Cathy and their family. And then several foster mothers and children.

Everyone sat in a circle and they passed out instruments as John began to play the guitar. The kids sang out and it was sheer happiness. They sang a "welcome" song using each child's name (Ty used his new name!) and that was followed by "Old MacDonald" of all things! There was a song about hygiene and then a popular Chinese children's song about two tigers. I knew that one! Tony and I joined right in. After that, the stereo was flipped on and everyone was into their own activities. There were things to balance on, walk along, a ball pit, rings to toss or jump through, a slide - all kinds of things. We visited with everyone and played with the children. They were all so sweet - and not many of them will be available for adoption due to the severity of their disabilities. So the foster parents in this program are truly committed to what they do. We were moved, touched and so thankful to have been a part of a happy place, with happy memories for Ty. In many ways - this was Ty's true "finding place." This is where he found the happiness in himself.

John told us some more about Ty's background. John's family kept him every Friday and he is special to them. He explained that his family would like to stay indefinitely and help the children here. Apparently Ty was often an interpreter for them - between the local dialect and Mandarin. Our guide told us that it was really, really nice that we wanted to come and visit here - and that he thinks this is good for Ty. We saw many children on the bulletin board there and they told us they did not see many Western families. I recognized one little girl on the board from our hotel! If your children are from Guiyang and they act like they play the guitar- they were probably in this recovery center. They all adore John's guitar!! It was hard to leave such a happy place - but Ty was ready. One of John's daughters followed us out and hugged Ty again and again. They were big buddies. She gave him an American Flag when we left.

The director of the foster program is such a nice man and he wanted us to visit his offices. It was off of the same courtyard as the recovery center. We were ushered up some more stairs and walked into a 3 room suite of offices. One room was the reception area- and Ty's foster Grandma was there. I wasn't expecting this - but it was ok. He ran to her with joy and gave her a hug and they talked. Her eyes teared up and I could tell she misses him.

We were shown the room that served as the clinic and met the two volunteer doctors. And we met other official men who work there - but I'm not sure what they do. But they were all so glad we were there. Tony was taken into the other room to see some old photos and I met another of the foster parents and one of the SEVEN children she keeps. This little girl was so tiny and precious and had Downs possibly - her name was Sarah. The foster mother was originally from the Netherlands but had been in China since the 1980's and been in the Guiyang area helping with foster care since 1995, I believe. She told me several Westerner's are foster parents here. One of the other men brought me an old newspaper with a photo of Ty when he was probably 5 I didn't get to keep the article, but it was good to see it. It was about the foster program and Ty and one other child were playing in the photo.

It was nice to visit here - and once again, hard to leave. Ty and his foster Grandma hugged more and she began to cry. I cried too and hugged her,and told her we would take care of Ty and love him. Cathy, John's wife, had told us that several of the foster families cannot continue serving as foster families after their children leave because it is so painful for them. Many take on the most severely disabled children knowing that they will stay with them. Those that can't keep fostering, work in the recovery center and help with the daily activities.

We left here in a group and gave Sarah and her foster mom a ride in the van with us. Ty pulled out some potato chips from his bag and shared them with Sarah. At the recovery center and here - we have seen that he has a heart for the very helpless children, especially those younger than him. He is so sweet to them, and compassionate and gentle. It is touching and I think this will play into his future. I can't imagine that he would forget all of these experiences.

The next stop was Ty's school. It was quite a distance from the recovery center and Michael told us it was a neighborhood school. He told us that there were better schools elsewhere in Guiyang, but you had to pay to go out of your neighborhood. We walked through the doors along a bricked in path that had eggplants and sunflowers planted in pots. Those reminded me of Tony's mom - she always planted a garden every summer in pots along her driveway.

We walked into a courtyard area surrounded by several stories of buildings. We met Ty's "homeroom" teacher and his math teacher. We sat in his desk. He was in the third row - you were seated according to how well you were doing....and this changed. There were several rows of desks - so I hope this is good. The teacher told us he was a good student - but needed to focus more.

Ty showed us a conduct bulletin board - and if you earned it, the teacher gave you a red tissue paper flower to put beside your picture. Ty's picture was gone already, but his 4 red tissue paper flowers were there - and he wanted to leave those. We took a lot of photos of the classroom, the boards, etc. And then they showed us the concrete play yard. We met the principal (although Ty told us later he didn't like him!) Ty explained that the vice principal liked him and that he had come to the class and in front of everyone rewarded Ty with some candy because he performed the best at his music lessons. This child is ALWAYS singing....when he isn't talking, charming someone or smiling.




The teachers led Ty away to talk to him a minute - and we noticed that they didn't hold his hands...but led him by the wrists. I don't know if this is due to hygiene, his disability or that he is an orphan. We asked our guide - but didn't really get an answer. We were told "either way is ok." Tony and I both held his hands and proudly walked with our son after this.

I can't remember if I told you about his report cards. There is an area for teacher comments and our guide translated them to say things like "if you work on your characters and pay more attention, the teacher will like you better." The teacher was very nice and very dressed up. School was not in session , but they were having meetings about the end of the school year. They asked if he would have another operation to fix his legs. We told them that we would have special doctors help him - and I wanted to scream out that "we loved him just like he was." But - I know they were asking because they do care. We are just becoming more sensitive to how "imperfect" he is viewed by many here. Ty proudly told everyone that his Daddy was in the Air Force and they all gaped at Tony and we heard "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and OOOHHHH and Wow!" Tony's pucker factor was at work and we tried to downplay things - while not letting Ty down. He adores his Daddy. They have already done Tae Kwon Do together in the room and he likes to "march" like he envisions his Dad marching in the military.

I hope it helps Ty to know that we wanted to see these places where he spent his days. I hope it helps him heal by having his "future" visit his "past." On some level, Tony and I just thought it was important for his memories to include us in these places with him.

We went to lunch near the hotel after this. Michael helped us order - Ty ordered a spicy chicken dish and Tony and I shared Sweet and sour pork. Ty didn't like our dish - but he liked the sauce and mixed it with his spicy sauce. We also shared bokchoy - although Ty and I were the only ones that ate it - and he did reluctantly. I am starting to see a preference for junk food and soda in him! (As a side note - I have had no soda since we arrived! For those that know me well - this is amazing!)

We came back to the room to hang out and play some games. Tony and I love the quiet, bonding time with him undistracted in the room. We played a game called "Tri-onimos" that we brought. Ty quickly learned to play and did very well. At one point, Tony noticed that he was hiding some pieces under his legs - in an attempt to cheat. We pulled them out from under him in a light-hearted and laughing way, but he was embarrassed we caught him. We got out our dictionary and explained that it isn't good to cheat and better to be honest. Ty understood and apologized. It was a good teaching moment.

After he honestly won what seemed like a bazillion Tri-onimoes games - he wanted to go swimming. We laughed so hard when we all were holding up the beach balls to our heads. It was his idea, and then he of course had to have pictures of us doing that. He sort of swims, but doesn't really go anywhere. We think his legs kind of prevent him from kicking with much force. He uses his floaty ring and is happy as a clam.

Tub time followed the swimming - and he spent as much time in the tub as he did in the pool. He spent a ton of time blowing bubbles under the water and "swimming" in the tub. He got a huge kick out of himself when he laid back in the tub and with his ears underwater, sang songs at the top of his lungs. If you need to make yourself laugh - this might be a good way to do it! We were laughing too!

After he dressed again, he snacked on grapes and the rest of the "mystery food" and got out the white board and put Tony and I in school. He filled the board with the more simple Chinese characters and carefully went over them with us. But at the same time - is asking the English way to say things too. We are beginning to think this will happen everyday and are once again glad that he is patient teaching us and eager to learn.

We got a call from some other friends in the hotel and they asked if we wanted to go to dinner with them. We went to a local restaurant that was supposed to have more traditional dress and costumes. I could sum up this adventure as an episode from the "Amazing Race." We took two cabs, weaving like chickens running across an alligator pit. We arrived at a corner and paid the taxis - and then there we stood -unsure of where to go next. Ty of course pointed the way.

We entered a restaurant and were swarmed by the business-attired staff and they seated us under a giant fake tree that rose up out of the center of the restaurant and the branches extended over the ceiling. Only one girl spoke English - so between her, Ty and Tony and me - we managed. But at one point, Ty was definitely looking tired of the situation and I am sure he was thinking that he hadn't signed on for translator duty! Fortunately, the picture menus came out.

I personally thought I handled it quite well when my son wanted to order a plate that had two long skewers with big fried bugs on it. Being a good parent - I went for diversion....you know "doesn't this plate of tofu look yummy??" But inside - I'm thinking....are the bugs fresh, how can you tell if they are fresh, where do you keep them, I feel sorry for the poor chef that has to cook them, does the chef catch them too and...we could make a ton of money in Louisiana if we would just deep fry those water bugs and send them over here!!????

The tofu suggestion worked. He ate two plates of tofu and several spoonfuls of red pepper. Literally - he spooned the red pepper into his tummy. He's nuts! At one point, we were surrounded by people (this would be the traditionally costumed folks.) They all sang right into our ears at the top of their lungs until we drank shots of some alcoholic beverage they were serving from a carved horn of some sort. At first, we didn't comply - but the singing got louder until we chugged. Tony and I were the chosen - and we had flashbacks to college hazing! We passed amidst claps - and now apparently Tony & I are honorary members of one of the minority groups here in China!

Ty enjoyed eating with his friend Xue Di and I got some wonderful pictures of them. They are very comfortable together - so I know they spent time together at the Recovery Center. We finally finished and needed to get a cab back. Once again - just picture the Amazing Race - complete with all of us "suggesting" to the others where we should catch the cabs - how to do it, etc. It was hilarious. We basically jumped into the middle of the road - and went for it. Our cab ride home was somehow leisurely and smooth (maybe it was the liquor.)

It was another good day in China. We are so thankful to all of you that are praying us through this trip. I never would have imagined that we would have gotten these opportunities to really "know" our son. Our son was not just a few pieces of paper and a couple of photos for the first 8 years of his life. He was a boy, a crippled orphan, a friend, a student, a light in this world and always....God's child.